Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
