Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
there is glitter all over my balls
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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