I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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