i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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