My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
