I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
