puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
