jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
