if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There are leaves in my underwear?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
