I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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