if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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