He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my poor anus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
