I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
