Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
