Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
