chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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