he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
