do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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