If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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