I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
