dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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