Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
