I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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