I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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