FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
