Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
