I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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