I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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