I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
