it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
