At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
