He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
