we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
