"it" just moved
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
