my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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