I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
