what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
