ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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