You really coming over, don't trick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They have beer where we have blood.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
