smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
