I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
