some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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