all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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