Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
