i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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