you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
