the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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