I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
