either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
