A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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