Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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